I lie for a living, and nobody believes me, and now I’m telling the truth and they still don’t believe me! I hate people!
All posts by erk
Rap sheet a mile long
– He has a rap sheet a mile long!
– Did you know that if you tape together the pages of my bible it won’t even be 200 meters?
– Would that be short edge to short edge or long edge to long edge?
– Short edge to short edge, of course… we wouldn’t want the bible to come up short, would we?
– But it’s okay to compare it to a rap sheet?
Now, on the other hand. If we were to type the names of the ca 15 million people that died in nazi concentration camps due to the decisions of Adolf Hitler on A4 papers, a name per row, forty rows per page. Taping them together the same way would make a “rap sheet” over 100 kilometers long! That’s over 60 miles!
And these are just the names. No room to describe all the crimes committed…
Intent to possess
Witch doctor arrested for possession with the intent to possess.
Safe Word in Yoga
“OK. If there’s a safe word in Yoga, I’d like to know, because at this point I’d like to say it… Aaaaarghhh!”
/NCIS Los Angeles, Season 7, Episode 7
Trump U Live Demonstration of Capitalism
If you feel that Trump University didn’t deliver what it promised, you missed the point totally: It was a very well performed live demonstration of how a rich capitalist can get richer…
Now go forth and imitate: con, steal, lie and cheat! If it’s good for you, it’s good for your country… I promise!
When chemists die
When chemists die, they barium.
I have a type
– How come you never go on dates?
– I have a type…
– A type?
– A typewriter…
Defining moments
Defining/scary moments in life:
- The first time you realize mom and dad doesn’t have all the answers.
- The first time you realize your doctor doesn’t have all the answers.
- The first time you realize there are questions that has no answers.
Will this ever fucking end?
– Will this ever fucking end?
– It’s called life, and it always ends.
Shortest path to idiocy
Unwillingness to understand must be one of the shortest paths to idiocy…